Prologue: Returning for My Brother
by Robert Driscoll
This book is the story about a Vietnam Veteran who suffered from Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder (PTSD) for many years. I never knew what PTSD was or realized
the effects it had on me, my family and everyone around me. Today, I come
across an occasional obscured article which identifies the fact that many Iraq
and Afghanistan veterans are killing themselves every week. Their families are
being torn apart because they do not understand or know how to deal with post
traumatic battle fatigue problems. I want to help these returning warriors and
their families, and veterans from all wars to a brighter light and a more
hopeful future. This book will identify the symptoms of PTSD and war trauma,
and show the effects some of them had on me.
Soon after my return home from Vietnam I gathered my uniforms, ribbons and
everything about Vietnam and wrapped them up securely. Many combat veterans
from Vietnam did the same thing. I thought I had done a great job, tying up
those loose ends and memories in a tight package. The memories I placed far
back in the confines of my mind, where neither I nor anyone else would ever find
them. Then, I let it go. Vietnam was over for me now, or so I thought.
“The most common injury from the Iraq war is PTSD.” (Ft. Bragg, NC, Kevin
Maurer, AP-National News June 30, 2008) It goes like this: you’ve made it back
and you’re all right. You may not realize it yet but you’ve been part of an
extreme abnormality known as war. You may eventually need help like I did. I
came back from Vietnam in 1968. I didn’t realize I had a problem or needed
help, until a doctor from the Veterans Administration Medical Center (VAMC), in
Boston, tested me for PTSD in 1990. This was twenty two years after I had
returned home from Vietnam. My wife knew something was wrong for many years and
mentioned time and time again the fact that I had a problem with emotional
control. Everything had to be done my way! She also recalled the many times I
would sit in silence, offering no communication. Then something would happen
that would bring on an outburst of rage for no apparent reason.
The test for PTSD in 1990 began to open Pandora’s Box. All of the experiences,
emotions and memories of the Vietnam War, that I had so conveniently packed
away, were returning. You don’t go to war and return home unchanged! You come
home with a new way to handle everyday challenges. You move quickly to sit with
your back to the wall in the restaurant, keeping an eye on the front door and
everyone that comes and goes. You may never ride on a commuter train or bus
again and feel safe. You don’t like crowds; you’d rather stay home and be
alone. You can’t talk about the way you feel because you think, “No one would
understand.”
I begin this story describing the first eighteen years of my life. I truly feel
this is an important part of the story. It shows that I led a normal, healthy
and even innocence life. The story goes on to explain the transformation from
civilian to military life. It briefly describes basic training or boot camp,
Advanced Individual Training (AIT) and then going to and returning from the
Vietnam War. It also identifies some of the bizarre situations I got into after
the war; not realizing at the time my reactions or over reactions towards them
was abnormal. I never realized I was still in the survival mode of a combat
soldier.
There was a silent warrior within me that was identified in the mid-1990s, by a
psychiatrist from the Brockton, VAMC. I realized this warrior was my PTSD which
I tried so hard to control. I saw it as something small, dark, and dressed all
in black. This warrior within tried to control everything and everybody around
me. It rode on a black stallion and feared nothing or no one! It was death.
It was war. It was all the rage within me.
Working with many different VA medical groups, and having the support of my
family, recovery was still very difficult for me. I did learn about PTSD and
how to live with it. I’ve learned to accept what has happened and to move on
with my life. Today, I try very hard not to let PTSD overcome me, but I still
slip back into that survivor mode on occasion.
In late 2007, during a spiritual healing session, the warrior reappeared again
but had changed completely. It is now pleasing to the eye and dressed in shiny,
silver armor. It wears a large yellow scarf around its neck and rides proud and
easy on a beautiful white stallion. This warrior is no threat to anyone
anymore. This warrior is kind and gentle. This warrior has returned with a
goal to help his brothers and sisters.
My hope is that this book will be used by veterans of all wars, as a guide for
their own personal struggles with war. It can be used to remind them that they
are not alone nor have they been forgotten. This book can help veterans move
forward on their path to recovery. Further, it will help family members or
anyone that may come in contact with one of these soldiers, to understand. This
book will identify, for those seeking knowledge, of how war may affect a soldier
and everyone they come in contact with after the battles.
You rarely hear of the veterans that self medicate with drugs and alcohol to try
and cope with everyday stress. You never hear of the many marriages that are
dissolved or the suicides that occur with returning war veterans. The VA is
currently evaluating the reasons some of our Iraq and Afghanistan veterans are
having readjustment problems after returning home from their wars. This book
will identify some of those reasons. It will give you some meaningful insight
and I truly believe the answer to that question.
I have written this book because I feel I have a moral responsibility to
educate those who are willing to listen; to be a vessel for those who want to be
healed; and to teach those who want to learn of the hidden social consequences
of war, its trauma, and PTSD. I had PTSD the day I arrived home from Vietnam
but not diagnosed with it for many years. The book will indentify the path of
healing I have taken for the past twenty years since being diagnosed. I hope
this book will guide the reader to a better understanding of PTSD and realize
there is help for all veterans who have returned home and need it.
This book salutes all veterans (my brothers and sisters), our families and
everyone who has been affected by war directly or indirectly. I bless all of
the warriors who have served during war. Especially those who faced combat
first hand. And to all the untold warriors who have carried their war home and
still carry it within them today. I wish all of us peace in our mind/
body/spirit and heart.
